The Secrets of a Lady tj-1 Read online

  Instantly she pulled back, her breath coming in short, bated gasps and her eyes dilated as she lifted them to meet his.

  “Why did you…?” she trailed off and the uncertainty in her gaze was clear. Then she shook it away and leaned closer. “Never mind, I don’t want to know why.”

  Pulling her back up against him, he kissed her again. This time it took no teasing for her to accept him. He reveled in her taste, the sweetness of her mixed with the bitter sharpness of the scotch. The kiss deepened until he could no longer determine where she ended and he began.

  Finally, with a strangled groan, he pulled back. He had to or else he would do more than taste her lips.

  “I have wanted to do that for five years,” he admitted.

  Her lips parted in surprise.

  “Wh-what did you say?”

  In an attempt to control his wild emotions, he looked away. “I think you heard me.”

  Crossing the room, he downed his own drink in one swig. Blood raced hot in his veins and the evidence of her power over his body grew. He swelled against the barrier of his trousers after just her kiss.

  “Yes, I did hear you,” she muttered. “Excuse me.”

  Her shoulders shaking, Audrey hurried from the room. Griffin heard her footsteps fleeing up the stairs and down the hallway.

  With a low curse, he shook his head. For all his promises to only be a friend to Audrey Jordan, he’d certainly crossed a line tonight. Now he was certain to pay the cost of his foolhardy actions.

  ***

  Audrey hurried into her room and slammed the door behind her. It seemed an impossible task to draw air in to her aching lungs, no matter how she gasped and heaved.

  Griffin Berenger had just kissed her. It was as if he had reached into her soul and drawn out in complete detail a scene from her girlish longings. Even more disconcerting was her response. She’d worked so hard to gain some level of control over her wild heart, but now she was spinning like she was a lovelorn girl again.

  The door to the small room off her bedchamber opened and Hannah stepped inside.

  “I don’t know where your head was tonight,” the older woman said, crossing the room where Audrey knew she’d begin taking down her hair and helping her out of her gown.

  “Oh please, Hannah. I can’t bear this now!” she interrupted. She pushed past her friend to sit down on the bed. “I’ll undress myself tonight. Just leave me alone, I beg of you.”

  Audrey winced. Her harsh tone would do nothing to reduce Hannah’s suspicions or concerns.

  “What did Griffin Berenger do to you, love?” Hannah whispered, reaching out to slide her hand down Audrey’s arm.

  “He-Nothing Hannah,” she denied with a blush.

  Perhaps if she didn’t speak the words out loud they could remain her little secret. Once she talked about it, the dream-like quality of the kiss would fade and she would have to face reality again.

  “Just let me be by myself right now,” she whispered.

  A look that would have frightened the most hardened of criminals leapt to Hannah’s normally sweet face. “If he did anything to you, I swear-”

  “No!” Audrey leapt to her feet and shook her head. “I liked it.”

  Hannah’s cocked her head as if to ask Audrey to elaborate.

  “He kissed me. Griffin kissed me, Hannah and I-” a small sob caught in her throat. “-I liked it.”

  Hannah sat down with a thump in Audrey’s dressing table chair. “I knew from the moment I saw that man that he wanted you. I knew it.”

  Audrey let out a strangled groan. That couldn’t be true. Griffin Berenger want her? Impossible! She’d spent years reminding herself of that cold, bitter fact. She’d shed too many tears over his lack of feeling toward her. And now that notion that had driven her away from England and into a life of secrets was crumbling around her.

  “He did say he’d wanted to kiss me for five years,” she murmured, more to herself than to Hannah as she touched her mouth. Her lips felt hot and swollen, aching to continue the soft torment Griffin had begun.

  Hannah made a sound in the back of her throat that brought Audrey back to reality.

  “Well, where does this leave us then?” her friend asked. “Because it’s obvious you have feelings for the man, despite all your attempts to convince me, your brother and perhaps even yourself otherwise.”

  Audrey sank back down on the mattress. “Nothing has changed. Nothing.”

  “Ha!” Hannah barked out, pacing over to the bay window to lean against the glass while she stared at Audrey with an appraising glance. “What has all the moping and upset over the past five years been about then?”

  Taking a deep breath, Audrey contemplated that question. At first she’d allowed herself to mourn the loss of her dreams about a future with Griffin. Then her life in the War Department had begun and she’d been able to forget that crush — sometimes. She always told herself her feelings for Griffin had been nothing more than a girlish tendre.

  But in the parlor not half an hour before, her body had roared to life and her heart had lodged in her throat from the moment Griffin asked her to be alone with him.

  With hot tears stinging her eyes, Audrey whispered, “I suppose I did a very good job convincing myself I didn’t really love him. But-but I still do.”

  With a grin, Hannah burst out, “Hallelujah! She finally admits it!”

  “What?”

  Audrey had no idea why admitting she still loved Griffin would bring her friend so much pleasure. That fact could only put all of them in danger and bring her heartache.

  Hannah’s expression softened. “Oh Audrey, don’t you think I’ve known that from the first moment I met you? You were just a girl then, with little experience and no confidence. But when you talked to me about the man you’d loved and lost, I could see that love was real. All your denials and explanations were meaningless.”

  “I never knew my heart was so plain,” Audrey said with a shake of her head. “But this is nothing to celebrate. Loving Griffin will only make things more complicated. I must continue to pretend I care for Douglas Ellison. Even if I didn’t have duty to consider, Griffin has never returned my feelings. There was desire in his touch tonight… but I can’t believe there would suddenly be more.”

  Hannah let out a groan. “I told your brother this plan was a mistake.”

  Audrey had all but forgotten her brother. “Oh God, Noah. If he finds out, he’ll kill Griffin!”

  As if on cue, a soft knock sounded at her door.

  “Audrey?” Noah whispered from outside. “It’s me, let me in.”

  Twisting the fabric of her skirt into her hand, Audrey checked herself in the mirror. The last thing she wanted was for her brother to notice how disheveled she looked. That would only make him push and nag until he wrung her secrets from her.

  “Hurry up, Audrey!” he murmured impatiently.

  “I’m coming,” she snapped back, throwing Hannah a warning frown before opening the door.

  Noah breezed in with grin for her before he plopped down in her dressing table chair. She took one near the window and hoped for the best.

  “Still in your full opera regalia, little sister? I would have thought you’d gotten more comfortable at least half an hour ago,” he said as he fiddled with the objects on her dressing table.

  “I–I was waylaid,” she murmured with another glance toward Hannah. Her friend had folded her arms and was staring at her expectantly.

  Noah put down the tiny bottle of cologne in his hand and leaned forward to look at her closer.

  “Have you been… have you been crying, Audrey?” He rose to his feet in alarm.

  The tears she’d been holding back began to flow again and contradicted her denial.

  “Is it because he kissed you? I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone with him.” Noah ran a hand through his dark hair. “Bastard.”

  Audrey’s heart lurched into her throat as her gaze flew from Noah to Hannah then back again.
How did her brother already know about Griffin?

  “No, Noah!” Audrey rose to her feet with shaking knees.

  “Audrey!” Hannah snapped, but she ignored her friend.

  “Don’t blame him,” she continued.

  “Audrey,” Hannah repeated as she stepped forward.

  Audrey shook her head. If Noah already knew about her moment in the sitting room with Griffin then she would take responsibility. She didn’t need Hannah’s protection.

  “I kissed him back. I know I’m an idiot, but I liked kissing him, Noah.”

  “Oh, Audrey,” Hannah said softly as she sank back down on the bed and covered her eyes.

  Her brother looked at her with confusion and disgust. “You liked kissing Ellison?”

  Audrey froze. This was what Hannah had been trying to tell her. Noah knew about her kiss with Ellison, probably from Hannah’s report just after their arrival… not Griffin.

  “Douglas?” she whispered, wiping away tears. “I…”

  “No,” Noah snarled, his gaze clearing with recognition. “Hannah said you were talking with Griffin. You kissed Griffin?”

  Spinning on his heel, her brother strode over to the door, nearly ripping it from the hinges. Audrey caught up with him at a run and grasped him by the arm with both hands.

  “Stop, Noah!” she pleaded, kicking the door shut and shaking him. “He’s your friend! Why is it you’re more angry at your friend for kissing me than some traitor?”

  Noah’s answer was instant and heated, “Because you once loved, and judging from your face, still love my friend. I saw how deeply you were hurt by those feelings five years ago and by everything Luci did to you afterward.”

  “What Luci did wasn’t his fault!” she insisted. “Good God, he doesn’t even know about all that!”

  Releasing his arm, she crossed over to the bed and leaned her forehead against the bedpost.

  “Noah?” she whispered.

  “Yes?” His voice just as soft. All the heat and anger was gone from his demeanor.

  “Do you think I trade my body for secrets?”

  When Griffin made that angry accusation in the drawing room, it had hurt her, for it was often what she feared she did.

  “No!” Noah caught her in his arms to hug her tightly. “No. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that. You’re a good and decent woman. I’ve seen you hold up in the worst of circumstances. You should never walk with your head down in shame for what you’ve done for your country, Audrey.”

  With a small squeeze, she stepped from his embrace. “Thank you. You’re a good brother.”

  Noah smiled at her. “Goodnight, Audrey.”

  “Goodnight,” she said, watching him go back to the door and open it. “Oh, and Noah?”

  “Yes?”

  “Go to bed. Don’t start a fight with Griffin tonight.” She stared at him evenly. “Please, for me.”

  Noah seemed to contemplate her request before he nodded. “For you, Audrey. But don’t believe for a moment that I’ll forget. I owe my friend a very serious conversation. Very serious, indeed.”

  Chapter Six

  Griffin peeked around the corner into the dining room, but immediately pulled back with a grimace. Audrey was inside reading the Morning Chronicle. There was no way he could evade her now unless he avoided breakfast completely, and for some reason his stomach was begging for food. In fact, he hadn’t been so ravenous in months.

  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Audrey. On the contrary, he’d thought of her all night. And that was why he had to stay away. After their kiss, his friendship with Noah, Audrey’s cover, and even his own sanity were all in jeopardy.

  He had to treat this encounter as a test of his wavering control. One he had no choice but to pass.

  With a deep breath, he strolled into the room.

  “Good morning, Audrey,” he said, sitting down at the head of the table and giving her what he hoped was a nonchalant smile.

  The paper rattled as she stiffened. “Go-good morning, my lord.”

  As she began the awkward task of refolding the paper, he took the opportunity to look at her more closely. Her eyes were a bit dull from lack of sleep and her face was an alluring shade of pale pink. Triumph surged through him. His kiss had affected her as much as him. Thoughts of it and her had plagued him, first causing sleeplessness and then restless, hot dreams that made him wake aching for her.

  The swish of the paper brought him back to matters at hand. Audrey had succeeded in folding it, but it was mangled.

  “What are you doing?” he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

  She blinked in confusion. “Having breakfast.”

  His gaze drifted over to the plate in front of her. It contained a dry crust of toasted bread, with no evidence that anything else had ever been there.

  “Dry toast and tea?” he queried, meeting her eyes with wry smile. “Is that any way to start the day?”

  She frowned and the edge of challenge returned to her voice. “I wasn’t hungry.”

  “Hmmm, I wonder why.” He stirred cream into his own tea while he enjoyed the stunned look on her face. Whether it was a good idea or not, he loved to tease her. It made him feel light as he hadn’t for years.

  She cleared her throat and rose to her feet. With a swift nod, she held out the mess that had once been the Chronicle.

  “I took the liberty of reading it first. I hope you don’t mind. Good day.”

  Griffin leapt to his feet and caught her wrist gently. “Wait Audrey.”

  “What is it?” Her eyes trailed to the hand on her wrist as the slightest shiver moved through her.

  “Why are you running?” With more reluctance than was healthy, he let her go. “We’re friends, aren’t we? Can’t we simply break our fast together as friends do?” A flash of something sad flickered deep in her eyes. “Yes, Griffin, we are… friends. And I suppose there’s no harm in sharing a meal.” With a stiff smile, he turned her chair out a fraction and allowed her to sit before returning to the head of the table.

  “You should eat a proper breakfast anyway,” he said.

  A smirk turned up one corner of her lips. It astonished Griffin what one sly glance from her could do to him. It had never been this way before, not even with Luci. His wife had inspired desire from him early on, but that feeling hadn’t consumed him. It hadn’t made him lay awake in his bed wondering how he could find a chance to touch her.

  Audrey did that.

  She rolled her eyes as the maid placed a brimming plate of food before her. “Why all the concern about my eating habits?”

  With a shake of his head that did nothing to clear his addled mind, Griffin answered, “How can you save the world from evil on an empty stomach?” She stared at him in surprise, then began to chuckle. At first it was a small giggle, then it grew to a full-blown laugh. To his surprise, he found himself joining in. Though his laughter was untested, it felt wonderful.

  “I don’t think I would go so far as to say I’m saving the world from evil,” she finally said as wiped her eyes to clear the tears of mirth that had jumped into them. “What we do isn’t as romantic as all that.” “Hmm,” Griffin murmured, taking a bite of eggs and chewing thoughtfully. “If it isn’t romantic, then why do you do it? I could see last night you take no pleasure in it.” Audrey drew in a short breath and immediately shook her head. “No! If I gave you that impression, I apologize. Of course, there are some aspects of this occupation I don’t like. But on the whole, I find it fascinating. If I hadn’t taken Noah’s offer to help him all those years ago, I never would have gone to the continent. I never would have met some incredibly interesting people.” “And a cad like Douglas Ellison never would have laid his dirty hands on you,” Griffin added, doing his best to reign in his returning anger.

  Audrey’s nostrils flared just the slightest bit as she dropped her eyes to her plate. “Yes. But you wouldn’t have either.” Griffin’s fork slid from his hand and hit the edge of his plate with a loud clatt
er that made them both jump. He hadn’t expected her to open that topic for discussion, but now that she had…

  “I shouldn’t have taken such liberties with you,” he said softly, righting his fork. “I do apologize.”

  “Don’t.” She looked at him with eyes that had darkened to the deepest blue he’d ever seen. “Now we’re even, I suppose. I kissed you in a moment of weakness and you kissed me.” He flashed back to both kisses. They had blurred in his mind until they were almost one sweet caress despite the years that separated them. “I suppose that’s one way to look at it.” “In fact, what happened almost makes me feel better.” The slight crack in her voice was the only indication she gave that the subject made her uncomfortable. “I didn’t know it was possible for you to lose that careful control you present to the world. I thought I was the only one. But now I see anyone can do something… foolish.” He was torn between two options. He could follow her lead and brush off the kiss as a lack of judgment. Or he could make an enormous leap of faith and tell her it had meant more to him.

  Suddenly an image of Luci leapt into his mind. Luci lying. Luci destroying his world. He never wanted to go through that again. Never.

  “Yes, well foolish is the word for it,” he choked out, taking a long sip of tea. “I’m glad we both feel that way. I allowed my concern for you to slip into…” He wanted to say desire, but didn’t.

  “To slip into over-protectiveness?” Audrey examined the design on the lacy tablecloth intently. “And that lead to…”

  “The kiss,” he finished with a nod. “But I know you can take care of yourself. You have Noah to protect you if you need him, and Hannah. I won’t make the same mistake again.” She dipped her head and nodded sadly, her look grave as she picked at the food on her plate. Instinctively, Griffin reached across to take her hand.

  “I’m sorry.”

  He gave her fingers a gentle squeeze, as he wondered what exactly he was apologizing for. Perhaps for the kiss they’d shared the night before. Perhaps for the one they’d shared years ago. Or maybe because he was sorry. Sorry he couldn’t… shouldn’t take more.